Anxiety often shows up in full force at night. You may notice you go through your entire day, moving from one task to the next with not much anxiety. Then once you get home, and try to unwind all of a sudden anxiety takes centre stage.
This happens because our days are filled with a lot of distraction. Our attention is focused on work, relationships, parenting, chores, etc. Our mind is busy and we are less likely to notice worries or anxiety.
At night time however, our mind is less focused and anxiety may grab our attention. For you this may look like:
- worrying about things that might happen in the future
- self-criticism
- physical sensations: tightness in the chest, pit in the stomach
- memories of things that happened in the past
This nighttime anxiety may prevent you from falling asleep. You may notice that the harder you try to fall asleep the more anxiety shows up and the less likely sleep happens.
Anxiety and Insomnia
When we struggle falling asleep it is quite common to start having worries and anxiety about sleeping. This worrying about sleep leads to less sleep, and less sleep leads to more worrying. Making us caught in a viscous cycle.
I remember being caught in this cycle at one point in my life. I struggled to fall asleep one night and barely slept at all. My mind kept me up worrying about stuff that could go horribly wrong in the future. The next day I felt exhausted. Throughout the day I started having worries about it happening again the next night. These worries kept me up again, and more stress and exhaustion followed.
In a way, sleep is about letting go and giving up control. The more you try to control it, the less likely it will come. One of the best conditions for sleep is leaning into the present moment. Check out these tips for doing so below.
Tips for Managing Sleep Anxiety
- Make a wind down routine: a relaxing wind down routine before bed can set good conditions for sleep. A good routine should include turning the lights off an hour before you want to get into bed. Being in darkness stimulates melatonin production, our bodies natural sleep hormone. While you are in the dark you could do something relaxing such as watching TV or reading a book with a night light. It can be helpful to do these activities outside of your bedroom, and put away your phone an hour before bed.
- Practice dropping the struggle with thoughts: the more we get caught up in worries the less likely we are to fall asleep. You can practice dropping the struggle with worries by practicing noticing your worries for what they are… thoughts. You could try saying to yourself I notice I’m having the thought that I won’t fall asleep. It can be helpful to have something to anchor you in the present, for example your stomach rising and falling with each breath, or the feeling of your sheets on your skin. Each time your mind pulls you away from this anchor (and it surely will), gently bring your attention back to your anchor. To learn more about this practice click here.
- Make room for discomfort: of course we do not want to experience anxiety and worries at night. It’s uncomfortable and distressing! The more we fight with our thoughts and feelings however, the less likely sleep will come. See if you can practice welcoming your difficult thoughts and making room for discomfort that shows up. You can do this by gently and compassionately naming what you are feeling, for example oh, here is fear, or here is sadness. You can do this with thoughts that keep showing up as well, for example ah, here is the I can’t sleep story. Being compassionate to yourself can be a helpful way to make room for discomfort, to read more on this topic click here.
- Keep living your life: sometimes anxiety at night, and insomnia that follows can prevent us from living. We may start avoiding doing what we want to do because we fear it will get in the way of our sleep, for example going out with friends or other after work activities. Try to continue living your life the way you want! Paradoxically, the less focus you place on insomnia the more likely sleep will naturally come.
Resources
- Sleep School App: this is an evidence-based app created by sleep doctors. It takes you through a program to help overcome sleep anxiety and insomnia. Definitely worth checking out if you struggle with sleep!
- Headspace App: this is a meditation app that has sections focused on sleep. Here you will learn skills for dropping the struggle with worries and focusing on the present.